Have you ever looked at your partner (or your situationship, or your crush, or that guy you were absolutely sure about last week) and thought… why am I suddenly not into this? Or the opposite: why am I completely feral right now? Well, that’s pretty normal. You’re not being inconsistent, dramatic, or “too much,” your desire is simply cyclical, and your hormones and attraction are running a very sophisticated background program.
Your menstrual cycle isn’t just about bleeding once a month. It’s a constant rise and fall of estrogen, progesterone, and a handful of other messengers that influence how you think, how social you feel, how confident you are, and yes, who you want to kiss (or text at 1:12 a.m.). Attraction isn’t just chemistry between two people. It’s also chemistry inside your body.
Let’s break this down.
Why Your Attraction Changes Throughout Your Cycle (and Why That’s Normal)
We’re taught to think of attraction as stable. You either like someone or you don’t. But biologically, your brain is constantly recalibrating what it values based on hormone levels, stress, sleep, nutrition, and where you are in your cycle (learn more about the different phases on the menstrual cycle here).
Desire isn’t a fixed personality trait. It’s a state that shifts with your internal environment.
During high-estrogen phases, your brain is more sensitive to reward and novelty, which can make chemistry feel electric. During high-progesterone phases, your brain is more sensitive to safety and emotional cues, which can make compatibility feel more important than spark.
Same person. Same relationship. Different internal settings.
This doesn’t mean your feelings are fake in either phase. It means they’re highlighting different aspects of the connection.
One part of you is asking, “Do I want this?” Another part is asking, “Does this feel good for me long-term?” Both questions matter.
Here’s a phase-wise breakdown.
Ovulation: Why You Feel More Confident, Flirty, and Drawn to New People
Around the middle of your cycle, estrogen is high and your body releases an egg. Biologically speaking, this is the moment your system is most open to reproduction. Psychologically, that translates to feeling more confident, more playful, more open to new people, and more aware of being seen.
Research consistently finds that during this window, many women feel more attractive and more interested in flirting, socializing, and sex. Not because you suddenly became a different person, but because estrogen boosts dopamine and serotonin, which are linked to motivation, pleasure, and reward. Your brain is literally more responsive to things that feel exciting and novel.
This is also when attraction can feel more instant and intense. You might notice yourself drawn to people who feel bold, charismatic, or slightly risky. Studies even suggest preferences can shift toward traits associated with genetic fitness, like facial symmetry or deeper voices. Translation: your body is scanning for spark, not spreadsheets.
This doesn’t mean you’ll fall in love with a stranger every month. But it does mean that the part of you that wants chemistry, tension, and connection is louder. If you’ve ever wondered why your standards feel different depending on the week, this is a big reason why.
Luteal Phase: Why You Get More Sensitive and Start Re-Evaluating Your Relationship
After ovulation, progesterone rises. This hormone is about protection, stability, and conserving energy. Instead of craving stimulation, many people start craving safety, familiarity, and emotional reassurance.
Neurologically, progesterone can increase sensitivity to stress and emotional cues. That means you might feel more reactive to things that didn’t bother you two weeks ago. That text that felt fine before now feels dry. That joke now feels rude. That habit now feels… deeply irritating.
This isn’t you being impossible. This is your nervous system shifting priorities. When progesterone is higher, the brain becomes more alert to potential threats and social discomfort. You’re more likely to notice misalignment, inconsistency, or emotional distance.
And…this is often when clarity hits.
Not the impulsive, spark-driven clarity of ovulation, but the grounded, discerning kind. The part of you that asks, “Do I actually feel emotionally safe here?” and “Is this meeting my needs, or am I just entertained?”
This is why so many relationship doubts pop up in the second half of the cycle. Not because you’re sabotaging things, but because your brain is temporarily less focused on attraction and more focused on security.
If you’ve ever thought, I swear I was into this last week, you probably were. And now you’re tuned into a different layer of the connection.
Period Week: Why You Feel Less Interested in Connection and More Aware of What’s Not Working
When both estrogen and progesterone drop right before and during your period, your brain chemistry shifts again. Dopamine tends to be lower, which can affect motivation and pleasure. You have less energy, patience is thinner, and emotional filters are weaker.
This is the phase where you’re least likely to tolerate pretending. Social masking takes more effort. People-pleasing feels exhausting. You might feel less interested in romance altogether, not because something is wrong, but because your system is prioritising rest and recovery.
This is also when emotional truths can feel unavoidable.
You may feel more aware of unmet needs, resentment, or emotional fatigue. That doesn’t mean every feeling you have is a permanent truth, but it does mean your body isn’t spending energy on smoothing things over.
Think of this phase as emotional low tide. Things that were hidden under waves of attraction and busyness are suddenly visible on the shore.
Blog continues after the ad.
Cheat Sheet: How You Feel About Desire Based on Menstrual Phases
Menstrual Phase (Period): Desire is low, tolerance is low, and you’re more focused on rest and emotional honesty than romance.
Follicular Phase (Post-Period): Energy and curiosity rise, attraction feels lighter and more playful, and you’re more open to meeting new people.
Ovulation: Confidence and libido peak, chemistry feels stronger, and you’re more drawn to flirtation, novelty, and physical attraction.
Luteal Phase (Post-Ovulation): You crave reassurance and stability, emotional sensitivity is higher, and you’re more likely to question whether a connection actually feels safe and supportive.
This isn’t a rulebook, it’s a rhythm, and once you start noticing it, a lot of your “why am I like this?” moments start making a lot more sense.
How Your Cycle Affects Your Love Life Based On Your Relationship Status
If you’re single, your cycle can influence who catches your eye and who holds your interest. You might be more open to new connections and bold flirting during ovulation, and more selective or withdrawn later in the cycle.
If you’re in a relationship, this can show up as shifting needs. One week you want more passion and excitement. Another week you want reassurance, quality time, and emotional softness. Another week you want space and a heating pad and zero conversations about the future.
Problems start when we expect ourselves to want the same things, the same way, every single day of the month. Or when we judge ourselves for not being consistently “chill,” “low maintenance,” or endlessly available.
Your body does not operate on a flat line. Why would your emotional and sexual needs?
How to Use Your Cycle to Understand Your Feelings (Instead of Doubting Them)
Here’s how you start paying attention to patterns:
- You notice timing: The same doubts, sensitivities, or confidence spikes tend to show up in the same phase each month.
- You separate feelings from conclusions: You let yourself feel whatever is coming up without immediately deciding it means something is wrong.
- You add context instead of self-criticism: You think, “I’m more emotionally sensitive right now,” instead of “Why am I like this?”
- You adjust expectations: You plan heavier conversations, big decisions, or social overload for phases when you have more emotional bandwidth.
- You check what you actually need: Sometimes that’s reassurance, sometimes it’s space, sometimes it’s excitement, sometimes it’s rest.
With this type of cycle-syncing, instead of thinking, “Everything is wrong”, it becomes, “I’m in a phase where my nervous system needs more support.”
Instead of thinking, “Why am I suddenly bored?” it becomes, “I’m in a phase where emotional connection matters more than novelty.”
You can still take your feelings seriously without letting every hormonal shift rewrite your entire relationship story.
How Hormones Change the Way You See Yourself and Your Attractiveness
Hormones don’t just affect who you’re attracted to. They also affect how you see yourself.
When estrogen is higher, many people feel more confident, more expressive, more connected to their bodies. When it’s lower, self-criticism can creep in, and insecurities can feel louder.
If you’ve ever wondered why you sometimes feel magnetic and other times feel invisible, this plays a role.
And self-perception influences attraction more than we realise. When you feel good in your body, you’re more likely to seek connection. When you feel disconnected from your body, desire often goes quiet.
So sometimes what feels like a shift in who you want is actually a shift in how open you feel to wanting at all.
How to Talk About Your Needs When They Change Throughout the Month
If you’re casually dating or in a relationship, this awareness can change how you talk about what you need.
Instead of framing things as sudden dissatisfaction, you can frame them as shifting priorities.
“I’m in a phase where I need more closeness.”
“I’m feeling more sensitive this week and could use a little extra patience.”
“I’m craving novelty and fun right now.”
These aren’t contradictions. They’re different chapters of the same story.
And when partners understand that these shifts are biological, not personal, it creates space for compassion instead of defensiveness.
The Truth About Desire: Your Body Is Responding to Real Information
Your cycle is constantly collecting information about your energy, your environment, your relationships, and your emotional safety, and adjusting your internal priorities accordingly.
Some phases push you toward connection and exploration. Some pull you inward toward reflection and protection.
Both are necessary. Both are wise.
So the next time you notice your feelings shifting, instead of assuming something is wrong, try getting curious.
What phase are you in? What does your body seem to want more of? What feels supportive instead of draining?
Understanding your cycle can make you fluent in your body’s language.
And when you’re fluent in yourself, attraction stops feeling confusing and starts feeling like communication.
